An artist's impression of how the land near
Penns Place will look if money talks...
Keepball Homes has made an application to build 96 homes on a greenfield site in a bid to counteract council cutbacks.
The company, which has laid waste to acres of farmland in the Petersfield area over the past few decades, has made an application for the development at Penns Field, a site close to the Taro Leisure Centre playing fields and owned currently by Petersfield Town Council.
The company believes the extensive development on such a small patch would provide a pleasant contrast to other sites in the East Hampshire Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty and the South Downs National Park.
Sal Out, Keepball Homes planning consultant, said: “Releasing land at Penns Field would deliver a large donation into the council’s funds and subsequently boost the profits for my client.
“It’s a win-win situation – except for existing residents obviously, but neither the developer nor the council cares about them. Cash is king in 2010.
“It’s an ideal site for new homes and will particularly appeal to people who like grumbling about youngsters enjoying themselves playing sport and those who enjoy sticking a garden fork in footballs that have broken the glass in their cold frames.
“Having said that, you wouldn’t be allowed to install a cold frame without permission in triplicate from the developer, and after the payment of a not-insubstantial fee. Keepball is committed to maintaining a certain level of aesthetic decency.
“In order to ensure they are able to offer ‘affordable’ housing my client will save money by not improving the infrastructure of the town, which as we know can hardly sustain its existing population.
"The idea is to clog up the town entirely, on the streets, in the schools and in the sewers, driving house prices down and making even a four-bedroom detached affordable to Mona the Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg Eeeeesssssssssssssshoooooooooooo seller.”
Lloyd Bank, honourable keeper of the town council cheque book, said: “Obviously on a sensitive project such as this we would consult residents and planning experts extensively before taking the money and running.
“It would certainly help with the council’s finances, after all we have the white elephant of a bloody great skate park to pay for.”
A spokesman for the local residents association was bound and gagged before being bundled into a large builder’s lorry.